


Tony Stark Advises The Avengers

by copperbadge



Category: Marvel, Marvel 616, all-new all-different avengers
Genre: Canon Character of Color, Female Character of Color, Gen, Mentors, Pining, Team as Family, Texting, dad tony stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 13:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7363810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/copperbadge/pseuds/copperbadge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Somehow, <i>Tony Stark</i> ended up Team Dad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [arwenxs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arwenxs/gifts).



> From a prompt by arwenxs on Tumblr: _What about a Tony Stark advises for the young avengers? Because I really love the RDJ advises so I think that might be cool._
> 
> This is set nominally in the 616, where teenagers Ms. Marvel (Kamala Khan), Nova (Sam Alexander), and Spider-man (Miles Morales) are half of an Avengers team with Iron Man (Tony Stark), Captain America (Sam Wilson), and Thor (Jane Foster). There is a text version in Chapter 2 for people who need or want plain text. 
> 
> Sorry there are two guys on this team named Sam, it’s not my fault.
> 
>  **PLEASE NOTE** : My tumblr and AO3 accounts don't always get along too well and the images in chapter one are hosted on my tumblr. So if for some reason you just see a bunch of broken image links, you can [go here](http://copperbadge-writes.tumblr.com/post/144866323544/hi-for-the-prompts-i-dont-know-if-youve-done) to view the images or go to chapter two to read the plain text. Sorry!

**Ms. Marvel  
**

  


 

 

  


 

 

  


 

 

  


 

 

  


 

* * *

 

**NOVA**

  


 

 

  


 

 

  


 

 

  


 

 

  


 

 

  


 

* * *

 

**SPIDER-MAN**

  


 

 

  


 

 

  


 

 

  


 

 

  


 

 

  


 

 

  


 

* * *

 

**CAPTAIN AMERICA**

  


 

 

  


 

 

  


 

 

  


 

 


	2. Plain Text Version

**MS. MARVEL**

_SERIES OF IMAGES: A text conversation between Ms. Marvel and Tony Stark, who in Ms. Marvel’s phone is called “Mr. Iron Man”. The time is 8:22PM._

Kamala: Hey Tony  
Can I ask you a personal question

Tony: You can ask. I might not answer.

Kamala: You don’t drink, right?  
What do you do when someone keeps offering you a drink?

Tony: I’m the most famous alcoholic in the world. Anyone who offers me a drink at this point is a douchebag. I make a note to ban them from my presence.  
Which I can do, because I’m Iron Man.

Kamala: Okay but say they were a friend and didn’t mean any harm

Tony: Is someone pressuring you, M&M?

Kamala: M&M? OMG IS THAT MY SUPERHERO NICKNAME IT’S SO CUTE  
Kamala: I mean. No. Not really. Just. Parties, you know.

Tony: I do know.  
I used to get a Coke or a ginger ale and just let everyone assume it was spiked.  
Bring some apple juice, put it in a Solo cup.

Kamala: That works?

Tony: More or less. And if I have a rough time saying no, I call my sponsor.  
Tony: Which, you don’t need  
Tony: But if you need to call an adult who won’t flip out  
Tony: I am really good at not flipping out

Kamala: So like, I could call you for realsies?

Tony: For realsies.  
Tony: But also you know, I have found that Doombot party crashers make a great distraction  
So if you can arrange for some Doombots to show up that helps too

Kamala: Is that something I should be able to arrange?

Tony: I find it usually happens regardless. Victor has a great sense of timing.  
Tony: Hey M&M  
Tony: Promise me you’ll call.

Kamala: Thanks, I promise. (OMG M&M I’m telling Carol)

Tony: I did not create this monster, but I feel I may have brought it to life.

**NOVA**

_SERIES OF IMAGES: A text conversation between Nova and Tony Stark, who in Nova’s phone is called “Tony S.”. The time is 9:41AM._

Sam: All girls hate me. All girls everywhere.

Tony: Lord, you work fast. When I was your age only about three in ten girls hated me.

Sam: It’s not funny.

Tony: It’s actually super-hilarious, Sam, but I appreciate you aren’t old enough to have a good statistical sample yet.  
Okay, tell me which girl in particular represents all women in hating you.

Sam: I just can’t do anything right around her.

Tony: So there is a girl.  
You’re a teenager. Making mistakes is basically your job.

Sam: When you were my age you were dating supermodels.

Tony: I see you have read the fierce debates about the editing of my Wikipedia page.

Sam: But it’s true, right?

Tony: Yes. And some of them, most of them, were mistakes.

Sam: They were supermodels.

Tony: It’s like talking to one giant hormone.  
Tony: Listen to me and my twenty-five years of dating.  
Tony: If you really can’t do anything right around her, then she’s wrong for you.  
Tony: The right person for you will be someone who appreciates you for who you are, so here are Tony Stark’s Rules Of Dating (TM, don’t share these, I might write a book)

Sam: THERE ARE RULES??

Tony: 1. Be yourself, you might as well be rejected for who you are as for who you’re pretending to be  
2\. If she’s not interested, leave immediately to find someone who is  
3\. A cool car never hurts  
Tony: 4. Never date other superheroes  
5\. Always have one exception to #4  
6\. Sex and dating aren’t everything, have a cool job and a rich fantasy life  
Tony: There, I think that’s everything

Sam: Have an exception to #4?

Tony: Oh god, really? Already?

Sam: Who’s yours?

Tony: A gentleman never pines and tells, Sam.

Sam: Will you introduce me to a supermodel?

Tony: No.

Sam: Would you introduce me to She-Hulk?

Tony: Swing for the fences, Sam, but still no.

**SPIDER-MAN**

_SERIES OF IMAGES: A text conversation between Spider-man and Tony Stark, who in Spider-man’s phone is called “Mentor”. The time is 12:20PM._

Tony: Hey, are we still on for tutoring this afternoon?

Miles: Yeah but I might be late, Ganke and I have a thing

Tony: A thing?

Miles: It’s a lego thing.  
Miles: I don’t even know if I can explain it, but I definitely don’t want to.  
Miles: Actually I have a question, how much do you know about law stuff?

Tony: I used to be Secretary of Defense. For the United States.

Miles: Yeah but like  
Criminal law?

Tony: Are you in trouble, Miles?

Miles: I’m brown, male, and 16.

Tony: I take your point.

Miles: Mom keeps flipping out about my safety. From cops.  
And she doesn’t even know about the superhero thing, like what if a cop decides he’s gonna take on Spider-man?

Tony: Listen, I’m sure your parents have told you what to do. Just do what you have to not to get shot. If you get locked up call me and I will personally bail you out.

Miles: It’s some bullshit though, Tony. You know it is.

Tony: Yeah, it is.  
At least you’re more bulletproof than the average kid.

Miles: Is that supposed to make me feel better?

Tony: No, it just makes me worry less.

Miles: You worry about me?

Tony: I worry about all of you.  
Tony: I cultivate an air of casual detachment because I’m very cool, but I am also constantly worried about everything, all the time, and right now you three are at the top of my list.

Miles: You don’t have to.

Tony: No, but I will continue to regardless.  
Tony: Look, you should talk to Big Sam about this, he’s going to have a more useful perspective than I will.  
Tony: Also he’s an activist, he can probably hook you up with some police protest groups.

Miles: Would he do that?

Tony: He wouldn’t have joined this team if he wasn’t interested in keeping all of you safe.  
Tony: Or possibly he thinks I’m a terrible influence which, that’s legit.

Miles: You’re not a bad influence.

Tony: Well, thanks, but you’re young and have yet to see me make an Epic Mistake.

Miles: Does that happen often?

Tony: Feels like just about every summer.  
I’ll let you know if I feel one coming on.  
Anyway, I’ll see you for tutoring. Stay safe, have fun at the Lego thing.  
Tony: Tell Ganke not to buy anything just for the minifig, he can get them cheaper at cons in a few months.

Miles: I am surrounded by nerds.

**CAPTAIN AMERICA**

_SERIES OF IMAGES: A text conversation between Captain America and Tony Stark, who in Captain America’s phone is called “Tony Stark”. The time is 9:46 PM._

Tony: Children are exhausting. How do people who procreate do this 24/7

Sam: Kids keeping you up, Tony?

Tony: Funny.

Sam: What’s the problem?

Tony: What isn’t? Kamala’s dealing with peer pressure, Little Sam has a crush on Kamala and is failing so hard it’s audible  
Spidey Jr. has a very justified fear of being shot by the police!

Sam: That is a lot. You want me to talk to Spider-man? (Bird Emoji) (Flag Emoji)

Tony: I told him to talk to you. So enjoy that, I guess.

Sam: I feel pretty good about being a role model actually. What did you tell the others?

Tony: I told Kamala to call me if she needs a grownup who won’t lose his shit, and I gave Little Sam my rules for dating.

Sam: Nice. Did you give him the Always Have An Exception rule?

Tony: Yes. His exception appears to be Kamala.

Sam: God they start young. Mine’s always been Monica.

Tony: Rambeau? I can see that.

Sam: What’s yours?  
Wait no let me guess  
Sam: Steve Rogers

Tony: Everyone but Steve Rogers (and apparently Little Sam) knows it’s Steve Rogers.

Sam: You wanna get dinner, man? You sound tired.

Tony: Yes I do. The diner? You fly, I’ll buy.

Sam: You’re never not gonna find that funny, are you?

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] Tony Stark Advises The Avengers](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12270363) by [blackglass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackglass/pseuds/blackglass), [miss_marina95](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_marina95/pseuds/miss_marina95), [paraka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paraka/pseuds/paraka), [reena_jenkins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reena_jenkins/pseuds/reena_jenkins), [vassalady](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vassalady/pseuds/vassalady)




End file.
